In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
