he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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