I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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