you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
