Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
