Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
