just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
