I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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