before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
