Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
