At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
