I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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