Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
