i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
