So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
