you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
