Someone shit on the floor
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
