Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
