i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
