he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
