She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
