I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
