before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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