No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
