you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
