how can u be prego again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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