There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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