Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
