I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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