naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
