I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
how drunk are you?
Several
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
