Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
