man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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