All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
