she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
