So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
