Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
