I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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