Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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