i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
