Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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