im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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