i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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