He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
