so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he puts the penis in happiness.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
