Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
