i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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