bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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