You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude. I can hear the air.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
