Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
