i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
