woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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