I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
